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Sound Authors interview with Dr. Kent Gustavson

Dr. Kent: Welcome to Sound Authors! Today spring is starting across the world, that’s a neat event always in our lifetime. March 20th. Got four guests on the show today. The end of the show we’re going to have a group called the Imani Winds, and they do sort of a mix of jazz and classical music that’ll be fascinating to talk to the clarinetist of that group. And I’ve got three authors on the show. Of course, we’ve had on before John Gilmore, and he is coming on to speak about his book Inside Marilyn Monroe. And then also author Paul Austin, who’s the author of Something for the Pain. He’s going to talk to us about being an ER doctor. And my first guest on the show today is Missy Jenkins. She was a victim of a school shooting way back in 1997. She’s going to share with us a whole bunch of details about her life and her triumphant story. Welcome to the show, Missy.

Missy Jenkins: Thank you.

Dr. Kent: So tell me about this story. It’s been beautifully reviewed, it’s done so well. Tell me about it. It came out in October.

Missy Jenkins: Well, it begins with everything that I went through in the school shooting, what I experienced in the whole incident. And then it kind of goes through my life before. I have a twin sister, so I talk a little bit about me and my twin sister, and then it kind of goes into everything that I had to deal with, you know, to learning how to use a wheelchair to even coming face to face with the guy who shot me later on in my life. Just kind of how I’ve grown from that day until now. I set goals for myself and try to choose to be happy instead of being angry about the situation and trying to make the best of what I have.

Dr. Kent: It really strikes so many of us when we watch these school shootings. One just happened in Germany, and it’s such a horrible thing. Talk to that for a minute.

Missy Jenkins: Every time I see a school shooting that happens, there’s been plenty that’s happened after the one that’s happened to me, it just breaks my heart that it keeps happening over and over again. I think I’ve seen some similarities in these different shootings, whether it be that the shooter warned that something was going to happen, or even to the point of someone saying something that sounds the same as what I heard. Like describing the gunshots, like firecrackers. It’s just kind of heartbreaking to me that it keeps happening through the years, and I just wish that there was something we could do to stop these things, and to keep them from happening in schools, where that’s the last place that anybody should feel unsafe.

Dr. Kent: Tell us a little about your journey from that moment. Of course, I can’t even imagine coming face to face with the shooter that had done something like this to me. Tell us about your process of self discovery and of forgiveness.

Missy Jenkins: Well, I spent about five months in the hospital just learning how to use a wheelchair and just kind of recovering from my injuries. It was a lot of work. I felt like a child, having to learn how to do things over again, from sitting up, to even learning how to put my clothes on. Putting my clothes on took 45 minutes the first time I tried to do that. But as time went on, the more I did things, the more and more easier it got to me to be able to do certain tasks. I still, every day, encounter something new that I’ve got to try to get past. But, I’ve done my best and I’ve set goals for myself. Like, going to college. I went to Los Angeles and learned how to use the brace that allowed me to walk across the stage for graduation, and to actually use it at my wedding, standing up and saying my vows to my husband. And then now, being married, and September the third of ’07 I had my son, and now I’m a mother in a wheelchair learning how to take care of a child. Right now he’s just about to be nineteen months on April the 3rd. So you know, everything, it’s a challenge. The other day I was having a chase with my son, and being in a wheelchair and trying to go as fast as you can running after a child who’s fast. It’s difficult, but every day I’ve had to kind of take it a little bit at a time and just get better at it.

Dr. Kent: My father is in a chair a lot of the time because of a car accident that happened years ago, and I know that issues of the handicapped accessibility, things like that, this country is better than a lot of countries. But there’s a long ways to go in awareness. Talk to that for a minute.

Missy Jenkins: Oh yeah, definitely. When I first got into a chair, in the town that I lived in the movie theater didn’t even have spots where someone in a wheelchair could sit. I remember having to sit in the aisle in the theater, and I don’t know how many times I got knocked into while I was sitting there. Luckily now there is a movie theater that has seating for those that are in wheelchairs that they can put their chairs, and it’s made it easier. But you know, it’s just like in the beginning, it was a lot to have to see. Even some of my friends, it was kind of funny, they’re just used to being with me, me being in a chair, and they might be with other people and say, “I can’t believe that, that’s so un-wheelchair accessible,” and then somebody will say, “Why is that such a problem?” I don’t think that you realize it until you’re put in that position, whenever you see those kinds of obstacles. I remember even downtown in our city some of the ramps on the curbs, the curbs in the different areas, you could only see a pile of pavement at the end where someone could get their front wheels caught and cause them to flip out of their wheelchair. Just different things like that, even when it comes to doors that don’t have the button to push for the doors to be wheelchair accessible. Me being a paraplegic, I’m able to use my arms to open doors, sometimes with difficulty, but I can do it. I can’t imagine somebody who was a quadriplegic that was trying to get through a door, and didn’t have a way to do that. So you know, there’s still a lot of things that aren’t accessible. One thing that I run into that drives me insane is going to hotels. Hotels don’t understand, and some of them, they kind of equip them for a lot of people that are elderly, which is needed, but then sometimes they make the beds so high that someone who is paralyzed can’t even get into the bed. Or they make for the bathrooms, you ask for a shower chair, and they’ll bring you a shower chair that has no back to it. I’m paralyzed from my chest down, and I can’t balance myself on something that doesn’t have a back to it. So just even small things like that that I’ve run into that are still not the same. Luckily I had my twin sister with me when I went, and she was able to help me get in and out of the tub. But if I was by myself, I wouldn’t have been able to do it.

Dr. Kent: With folks that have disabilities it’s worth fighting for a long ways. The most highly built story in here, of course, is where you go in to meet the shooter who killed some people in that school shooting, and you confronted him. Talk about that.

Missy Jenkins: Confronting the shooter?

Dr. Kent: Yes, Michael, I guess, is it Michael?

Missy Jenkins: Yes, I confronted him, I think I did speak with him December of 1998, and at that time when I spoke to him it was a sentencing, and it was mainly like the victims to get up and say something to him. At that time I was able to speak to him and he was never able to say anything back to me. Later on, July of ’07, I decided to go to the penitentiary where he was, in Kentucky, and speak to him face to face. That was very helpful to me to go to that meeting. When I went, I really thought that he was going to be handcuffed, and in the orange jumpsuit, and actually that wasn’t the case. He wasn’t handcuffed, he was just sitting at a table waiting for me. We talked, and we had a good conversation. He answered all my questions I asked, and one in particular was what he remembered that day. And I also told him everything I remember that day. It was like one of those things where it felt like I wanted him to hear what I had to see. And we just kind of talked about different stuff, but at the end of the conversation he told me, “I don’t know if I ever told you this, but I’m sorry for what I did.” I think that meeting with him face to face was the best thing that I could do. I don’t think there’s any such thing as closure, I don’t, but that was the closest that I could get, actually speaking to him, and it was helpful to me. I actually tried to forgive him when the shooting happened. And the reason why I chose to forgive him was to release me from that anger. I knew that being angry was not going to make me walk again, it wasn’t going to change anything that happened that morning. It wasn’t going to bring the girls back that were killed, or even make the shooting go away, you know. Being angry wasn’t going to change anything. So I decided to be happy, I didn’t want that to bring me down. And I think a lot of people think that when you forgive somebody that you’re letting that person off, and I definitely don’t think that. I think it lets you go, it let’s you away from that anger and it sets you free. And just because I forgave him doesn’t mean that he still doesn’t have to serve the consequences of his actions. He’s in jail 25 years to life. And I still believe that he should serve that.

Dr. Kent: What a fascinating story. I know you have to leave us soon, and we’ll talk to the next guest in a few minutes. But what I’d like to know is how you’ve really been able to change your life and what you hope to do to inspire kids through this book, as well as adults.

Missy Jenkins: Well, I do a lot of motivational speaking to schools. I’ve mainly kind of been in Kentucky but I’d love to branch out and go in different places. But my main plan is just to hopefully, for people to learn from what I learned from the school shooting. Not only did I learn, but the importance of telling if someone threatened to bring a gun to school. That’s something that our school didn’t do, or a lot of kids were warned and nothing happened. I also hope that people realize the power of their words. I do believe that bullying played a part in the situation that happened at my school, and I don’t think that kids realize how much their words affect people. I think that we think that it’s a normal thing, and it just happens to us at that age, and it’s not. It’s something that can have lifelong consequences when someone is made fun of and treated badly. It’s something that people will remember forever. I also hope people see the power of forgiveness and realize that it’s ok to forgive someone, that they’re not letting that person off. And then also, anybody that’s in a wheelchair that’s dealing with having to be in a chair for the first time. I’d never known anyone that was in a chair before this happened to me, and for the fact of me thinking I didn’t know what I was capable of. But then I started realizing that I was capable of anything that I wanted to do. I might have to do things a little harder, but I was capable of doing anything that I wanted to do. And I just hope that everybody, anybody that reads that, young or old, does get something out of it and realize that our life is precious and that anything can happen to us, that we’re not invincible. And that we need to set goals for ourselves and realize that we do have purposes in our lives. I think that this, the shooting, has given a purpose to me, and made me realize at the age of 15 that I had a purpose in life, and that I got a second chance at a life. Because I was shot through the left shoulder, and it could have hit my heart. And it missed every major artery and organ in my body besides my lung and spinal cord. There’s a possibility that I could not be here today. But I have that second chance.

Dr. Kent: What an incredible story. The book is called I Choose To Be Happy: A School Shooting Survivor’s Triumph Over Tragedy. It sure seems like you’ve been able to do that, and you’re an inspiration to a lot of people. We can check out the book online. Can you give us the website we can go to?

Missy Jenkins: Yes, they can go to missyjenkins.com and it has an event calendar, where other places that I’m at, speaking engagements. And then also there’s a link where you can order the book.

Dr. Kent: Wonderful.

Missy Jenkins: And it’s at any barnesandnoble.com and amazon.com.

Dr. Kent: And the book again is called I Choose To Be Happy, and it has a foreword by Sara Brady, who of course is the wife of the man who was shot in the assassination attempt on President Reagan, and that’s pretty neat also. Thank you so much for chatting with me on the show.

Missy Jenkins: Oh definitely, thank you.

Dr. Kent: Missy Jenkins is a true hero for a lot of people. I Choose To Be Happy. Go check it out at your bookstore. My next guest on the show is going to come in just a minute and talk to us about Marilyn Monroe, and they had a friendship, and he’s going to talk about the character behind the movie star, so come on back for that.